R.A.I.N. Part 4: What does it mean to nurture?

(Over the last several weeks I've been writing about a self reflection tool called R.A.I.N. To see the first two articles you can go here and here.)

To be honest, it's been a little difficult separating out each part of this acronym. Each step blends fairly seamlessly in a brief amount of time, but it's been important to give each one attention. So let's first review our previous installments and then explore what it means to nurture ourselves.

Step one is recognizing. When an initial pit in the stomach, shift in emotion, or uneasiness if felt, we pause. That's it. We pause rather than ignore it.

Pretty easy so far.

Step two: by pausing we open up the door to allow the sensations and feelings to be there. We don't avoid or argue with them. We don't sit with it for 20 seconds and then go pick up our phone. We don't create the narrative about what it all means. We just allow the sensations to shift, change, and morph as they need to, especially when they are uncomfortable.

Step three: by allowing the sensations to just be as they are we can investigate them by becoming curious. Where is the emotion actually felt in my body? Can I describe the sensation? Is this sensation familiar or unfamiliar?

Step four: Nurture

And here's where this practice can transform from mostly observation to profound transformation.

Nurture: to care for and encourage the development of.

"To care for" seems to make enough sense because up until this point RAIN guides us toward the observation of self and that takes time and attention. But this level of self care will remain surface level at best if the latter half of this definition isn't honored. Nurturing is where the deeply unmet and ignored parts of ourselves get to speak up loud and clear.

So what exactly are we encouraging the development of?

We're encouraging an environment conducive to building a relationship with what we are observing and holding space for. For example, let's say you notice a shift in your emotional state and feel it as a heat in your ears that travels and morphs into tightness in your upper chest. Rather than judging it or running away from it, we become more curious about it.

That curiosity begins in step three and continues to go deeper in nurturing. So we begin by asking, "Does this feel familiar or unfamiliar?", and then take it a micro step further: "In what area of my life does this feel familiar or unfamiliar?". Again, there's no judgement here. We are just being curious about the experience.

The pivot point to where this will feel more like nurturing is in the following questions:

• What is this sensation or experience needing from me?

  • is it to listen?

  • is it a hug?

  • is it your presence? to be seen?

  • is it rest?

• If I could imagine this sensation as an aspect of me - now or when I was younger- what would he/she want me to know?

  • How gentle can I be with their response?

  • If there's a longing to be seen, heard, or respected by someone else, how can I provide this to myself instead? What would that feel like?

..Take your time here. Place your hand on your heart if you need to. Remind yourself to breathe....

Again the point of nurturing is building an environment conducive for creating a relationship with yourself. In doing so, you're essentially building your tolerance for discomfort since more often than not, RAIN will draw our attention to the unmet parts of ourselves that have been waiting to be witnessed. Understanding that the physical sensations had in response to a shift in our experience is the body's last resort to get your undivided attention. While giving that undivided attention via R.A.I.N. - and particularly in cultivating nurturing - you might find that at first that it will feel like a storm. But if you can maintain your position in the eye of the storm you'll find a quietness undisturbed and deeply understood by the only one that truly matters: you.

“Every storm runs out of rain.” –Maya Angelou.