The VOID

The dog days of summer are in full effect where time goes by a little more slowly and we get respite from our usual habits and schedules. It’s during these times (especially around a vacation) that we take a step back and review where our lives have traveled from and to where we want them to go. This can be an energizing process. It can be one that is filled with angst and discomfort or some combination of all of these. Whatever the case, the process may leave us existing in a sense of void.

“The void” is that in-between space where we are neither content with where we’ve been but clueless as to what to do next. Perhaps more recognizable as being directionless, it can initiate a sense of confusion and panic, making us think there is something wrong with our lives or even ourselves. Our automatic response becomes, “How do I fix this?”, and results in misplaced attempts to control our surroundings or our relationships.

Sound familiar?

I'm certainly no stranger to this either. The void has been my own personal enemy. After losing my health, my 12 year relationship, my career, my home, and so much more, the loss of foundation and sense of purpose was palpable even to the most arbitrary onlookers. It became bad enough that the void felt like the result of horrible things happening TO me. It was scary and sad and frustrating. It was vertigo. It was my abuser and I its victim.

And then as life progressed and I evolved, the story of my pain and loss had become so much apart of my identity that a new void - one that could not imagine life without suffering - kept me from beginning the new life I desperately wanted (To be perfectly transparent, I’m still working through this particular void.).

You may recognize some of this internal dialogue:

I thought this is what I wanted, but now that I have it what do I do? This doesn’t feel “right”. What’s wrong with me? If I don’t know where I am going how do I find purpose in what I’m doing? If I’m not purposefully pursuing this career/relationship/situation/thing then I’m a failure. How do I explain this? I don’t know. I don’t know. I don’t know. DAMN IT! I want to know!

Talk about self punishment!

We are so conditioned to DO something all the time - to achieve, to conquer, to overcome, to earn, etc, - that we initiate a sense of self-hatred when we find ourselves in the void. How can we possibly expect ourselves to find our way to the light when we continue to force ourselves into darker and darker state of mind?

So let me pose a question. What if the void wasn’t meant to be something you get out of or change? What if the void was something you allowed? What if you did absolutely nothing but get comfortable with your discomfort?

The void, after all, only serves as a vacuum. It’s that perfect point in time to just observe your life outside of yourself whereby you don’t force, change, or manipulate. You allow for the absence of anything to DO so that you can just BE… even if that means you being uncomfortable or panicked.

One of my favorite lessons from Andrew Martin is about this in-between. He explains that the void is only painful because the mind always wants the plan. The mind will tell you it needs a roadmap. The mind will say that not having a plan is time to freak out. The mind will make you believe that not knowing is bad.

But if I were to pour out a drinking glass and empty it, would it not now have space to put something else as equally delicious back into it? If I blindfolded you and had you drink whatever I presented, would you not have the discernment to tell me if you liked it or not? Would I not be able to pour out the glass again and refill it until I presented you with a substance you did like to drink?

My point is, you don’t need a roadmap. All you need is to be willing to explore and FEEL your way through. You can’t think your way out of it because the mind is fickle (hell, I forgot what it was like to live without pain and suffering! Isn’t that crazy?!) and therefore less evolved than your emotions. Before you know you like or dislike something, you’ll feel it first.

So stop giving your mind the driver’s seat and enjoy the FEELING of exploring the void. Treat the in-between like the drinking glass game. Keep trying things out until you get that first sense of “I want more of that”. Because the contrast between what you don’t like and what you do - of what doesn’t feel good versus what does - is what the void is all about. And isn’t that exciting enough?